What the . . . Big Red Make-Out Gum?
*What the…Friday? is a weekly Friday feature in which I resuscitate a video relic from the swampy pits of Pop Culture Wasteland.*
Today: What the Big Red Make-Out Gum?
When I was a kid, I was scared of kissing.
So scared was I that I avoided it like the plague.
More like, avoided it like the mouth herpes.
Or like, avoided it like the peach-fuzz pubescent mustache lip.
In junior high, I actually broke up with three different boys upon learning they had plans to kiss me. And I wanted none of that. And don’t even get me started about hickies.
When I finally had my first kiss with a boy — in high school, yes, in high school — it was just as awful, just as slobbery, just as I-never-want-to-make-eye-contact-with-you-again as I imagined it would be.
Of course, it got better. Because then I started chewing Big Red gum.
With Big Red gum, the kissing is better. A lot less awkward. A lot less slobbery. And your chances of contracting mouth herpes actually decrease. I think.
Anyway, that’s what I learned from this 1984 Big Red commercial.