What the . . . High on Caffeine Pills?
*What the…Friday? is a weekly Friday feature in which I resuscitate a video relic from the swampy pits of Pop Culture Wasteland.*
Today: What the High on Caffeine Pills?
My life has officially run me over.
And I have the tire tracks to prove it. Or facial acne. Same difference.
I have taken on too much. I do that sometimes.
The soon-to-be-five-year-old’s birthday party that I insist must include actual people.
The soon-to-be-five-year-old’s birthday cake that I insist must be made from scratch.
Six eggs. Two sticks of butter. You know, to continue the time-honored tradition of trying to out-mom my mom.
The impending vacation that requires cramming three weeks of work into a one-week work week.
Family in town, a fur-covered house to clean, a car purchase, a new Brady Bunch DVD set.
Two kids now sick.
All happening this week.
Writing this blog post just might be the first time I sat down — in two days. Not including going to the bathroom (if only I could do that standing). Not including the Brady Bunch marathoning. And not including when I sat down long enough to cram a cupcake into my mouth. But not long enough that I could taste it.
Halfway into Wednesday, I was ready to turn to drugs.
Caffeine pills, that is.
I once took a half of a NoDoz tablet in college and promptly threw up my finals week. No help there.
And then I remembered the “Very Special” Saved by the Bell episode — Jessie’s (swan) Song. And then I remembered how taking drugs helped Jessie stay ahead.
And then I decided, that’s some damn good (legal) sh*t.
And then I decided, I’ve got to get
some of that damn good (legal) sh*t back to my hair bow days. Where can I get one? I like the way it flops around on one’s head in moments of pill-popping crisis — thereby diverting your attention from the crisis at hand.
And you never know when you’ll be in a pill-popping crisis and need a floppy hair bow.
I’ll pick one up soon. I’ll put it on my to-do list.