The Most Dynomite Kid of All!
For the Love of Benji, it is finally over. We have our Dynomite! winner.
We can now move on with our lives. We can now get back to our Golden Girls marathons.
The most Dynomite Kid of All is
I confess — at the end of last week, I had already written this post declaring JP the winner.
But then, Holy Get-Out-the-Vote! Lenore came from behind and tied JP, before going on to crush him in the final round. Lenore is indeed The Comeback Kid.
Which by the way happens to be a really good movie starring John Ritter. 1981-Angie gave it two slightly sticky, glitter-covered thumbs up! She was actually sticking them up her nose, but I interpreted that she highly recommended you see the movie.
Now it’s on to announcing Lenore’s grand prize winnings! Are you excited? Me too. 1981-Angie just peed in her corduroy culottes, but I interpreted that she’s excited too.
First off, Lenore will be featured on my site at bottom-right, along with a link to her blog, Lenore’s Thoughts Exactly. That’s right — all those who stop by my blog will now get to see Lenore in all her bewildered, bolo-tied glory. Lookin’ good there, Lenore. Lookin’ good.
Second, I will be shipping out to Lenore her very own Flashback-in-a-Box! Flashback-in-a-Box will include these
items I found lying around my home valuable prizes and more!
1 Yoda Empire Strikes Back pen that came out of a cereal box.
Shhhhhh. My kids thought “the scabbie-picker” got lost in our couch cushions.
1 original portrait taken by 1984-Angie.
I’m sure it’s clear why 1984-Angie served as a photography protégé under Annie Leibovitz. Hold on to this, Lenore. It might be worth a lot. Nah, go ahead and burn it with the scab-picker.
1 compact disc of New Edition’s Greatest Hits.
And you thought it couldn’t possibly get better than Bell Biv DeVoe’s Poison. And you thought, no way could it get smoother-sounding than Bobby Brown’s My Prerogative. And you thought, nothing could ever top that one other guy in the group who sang that one song that I think I heard that one time when I was at the arcade.
Well, my friends, you need to take a trip back.
Back to where the New Edition magic got started. Back to when men looked masculine in denim vests. Back to when flaps-and-snaps on Member’s Only jackets looked somewhat less pointless. You need to hear Mr. Telephone Man. Enjoy.
1 origami fortune teller.
In fact, it is an exact replica of one made by 1988-Angie in 6th period study hall.
Do not doubt the power of the origami fortune teller. In testing the accuracy of its predictions, I naturally ended up with this fortune.
So I know it’s in tip-top order.
3 unused E.T. party invitations, copyright 1982.
Now Lenore can throw her very own E.T. theme party for three of her friends! I hope she has that many friends. If not, she could always invite JP. It’d be the right thing to do — like when Marcia Brady conceded the class president race to Greg. Warms your heart, doesn’t it?
Congratulations, Lenore! Those prizes (and more) are coming your way!
And finally, it’s only decent that we say thank you to JP’s Kitty. In fact, I’d like to close with a moment of silence for Kitty — I’m sure she’s long gone by now. If the velour chokehold didn’t do her in, she died of a broken heart.
To the cat who sacrificed her dignity and perhaps even her life — we love you, Kitty.