It’s Because I Plagiarized a Story . . .
By now you’ve all probably heard of the newest YouTube sensation that involves one previously unknown filmmaker from Oregon named Jeremiah McDonald who is interviewing his 12-year-old self on video. (If not, you can watch it below.)
Yes, I know you’re laughing. Yes, I know it’s funny. Yes, I know you’re in love with him.
Well, those of you readers who have been with me for a while, my BFF-readers, might recall that way back – way back – way back before the invention of YouTube, way back to this past January, I had interviewed my own kidself.
In my case, I interviewed my four-year-old self — 1979-Angie. (You can read it here.)
Yes, I know you’re not laughing like you laughed at 1992-Jeremiah. Oh, you’re not laughing? Not even at the eating-my-own-cherry-chapstick part? Not even at the doo-doo-head Justin Bieber part? Not even at the Mayor McCheese for President part?
Okay, so on the day of that interview, 1979-Angie was being her typical bratass self — but nonetheless relatively charming. Not the kind of kid I’d take to Showbiz Pizza, not the kind of kid I’d help earn extra tokens for so she could purchase the extra-extra-large inflatable unicorn, but nonetheless the kind of kid I’d probably take to a mall playland and buy a Dilly Bar or something.
However, even 1979-Angie cannot compete with the charm of 1992-Jeremiah.
I have to admit that the kid is amazing. I want to adopt him. I want to take him to Disney World and let him eat funnel cakes until he pukes them up on the teacup ride. And I wouldn’t even make him clean it up. And, bonus, he’s being interviewed on video. And, extra bonus, he appears to have ADD. Which is adorable. Always.
I think it’s appropriate I now interview 2012-Angie about this matter.
I also once wrote about going to see Poltergeist at age 6. Who didn’t see Poltergeist at age 6? It was practically required viewing in our grade schools back then. There are probably even people who saw Poltergeist at age 4. There are probably even people who wrote about seeing Poltergeist at age 4. And how can I compete with seeing Poltergeist at age 4 — for God’s sake I was 6! I was practically smoking and living in my own apartment by age 6.
I would raise my glass of Tang to the person who now writes about seeing Poltergeist at age 4 and goes on to become a world-famous children’s horror film critic.
Am I bitter about Jeremiah’s fame? Yes. Of course I am. 1979-Angie can hardly stay focused enough to answer this. But by the way she’s throwing her dress over her head so she can pull up her tights, I can tell she’s hurting too.
Am I mad that I didn’t cash-in on my own self-interview? Yes. Of course I am.
But you know who I’m really mad at? Not Jeremiah. No. He’s brilliant. The person I’m really mad at is 1982-Angie.
This is all her damn fault. She once committed karma hari-kari, the little self-destructive booger-picking brat.
Because if you go way back among my original blog readership, you’d know that 1982-Angie plagiarized a story from Humpty Dumpty magazine and won it big in a writing contest. (You can read it here. Or don’t. I come off looking really bad and you’ll probably hate me.)
She even got to represent her school in a city-wide writing workshop.
She even got to go meet famous children’s book author Ivy Ruckman.
She even got to bed that night after meeting famous children’s book author Ivy Ruckman without so much as a smidgen of guilt.
Yep, 1982-Angie slept like a baby that night. Slept like a 2-ton log in fact. Didn’t even toss around once among the 342 stuffed animals crammed in her bed. Didn’t even wake to the sound of her brother’s Van Halen tape blaring from his room the next day.
That’s what I call an unflinching, guiltless conscience. Not to mention, well-developed bladder control.
I’m thinking of sticking her hand in warm water tonight.