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And the Dynomite! Winner is . . .

April 16, 2012

The people have spoken.

And Jason is the winner of the first/only/premiere of an ongoing (if I don’t forget about it) Dynomite! All-Stars Edition.

Let’s hear it for Jason!

The competition was as fierce as two drunken brides-to-be in a Vera Wang outlet store.  In claiming the title of Dynomite!, Jason defeated a German clock girl (see here), a strategically color-coordinated aerobics girl (see here) and a Toss Across master with a shirt collar so dangerously pointed that it’s been since banned in forty-seven U.S. states (see here).

In the end, Jason won due to his 900 loyal Facebook friends killer sense of ’80s arcade style.

When I contacted Jason to tell him the good news he stated,

“Are you referring to the photo you stole off my Facebook page?  Weren’t you contacted by my lawyer?”

Just before he added,

“I’m very important and busy.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my extremely stylish life and my daily champagne toast to Me.”

[Click.]

Unfortunately, I never had the chance to personally inform Jason of his Amazing Grand Prize winnings, so I can only hope Jason is reading right now.

First, Jason will be featured on my blog site (see him at far right) for the next month/until I grow weary of it/until I figure out how to remove it/until legal action has been formally initiated.

Second, Jason will be able to read here on my blog this genuine magazine offer from Barbizon so that he can learn how to become a real model!

(Disclaimer:  Or he’ll just look like one.)

These are very amazing prizes indeed!

Unfortunately, here is what Jason will not receive.

He will not receive my one-of-a-kind Mr. McFeely-style Chantilly lace mailman bonnet.

(Sorry, Jason.  And thank you for this fabulous suggestion, Speaker7.)

As I reached inside my satin-lined cedar hope chest where the bonnet had been safely stored and protected from Modern Society for the past 30 years, it caved to the gentle pressure of my grasp and exploded into lavendar-scented pixie dust.  From there, it blew across my bedroom, out an open window and away into the cool evening air where it sailed off to find a new deserving family who needs it more than I do.

Legend has it that it was last spotted inside a Goodwill trash dumpster.

***

Dynomite!  Do you have photographic evidence of the existence of parachute pants?  Do you feel that the government should have access to this evidence?  Do you have old childhood pictures you hope will never see the light of day?  Do you secretly hope to have them published on a blog site where thousands of readers can enjoy them?  Do you wonder if I’m lying about having thousands of readers?  Do you enjoy answering questions?  Do you want to know what I’m getting at?

If you answered “Yes, Angie!” to any of these questions, you’re in luck.

I am seeking new entries for my next Dynomite! All-Stars competition.  All selected entries will be given prominent display on my blog, Childhood Relived.  Entries accepted from WordPress bloggers will receive promotional shout-outs with linkage to their blog sites (!) where readers can find them, stalk them and check to see if they’re still sporting mall bangs and/or permed mullets.

Click on the email address below to submit your photos.

childhoodrelivedblog@gmail.com

39 Comments leave one →
  1. April 16, 2012 6:21 am

    Lavender scented pixie dust was the perfect scent for a Monday morning. Thanks, I needed that!

  2. April 16, 2012 6:29 am

    Congratulations Jason! That was a fun contest, Angie, and you reminded me about the Barbizon ad.

    • April 17, 2012 11:15 pm

      I’m sorry. I know that might be a bad thing. I’ve been trying my darndest to forget it, what with the rejection letter I got and all.

  3. April 16, 2012 6:30 am

    I don’t like to toot my own modeling horn too often, but I was once in a mall fashion show. Now it could have been because my best friend’s sister was the manager of a clothing store, and needed to find two dummies to parade around in acid wash denim glory or it could have been because I had the natural poise and confidence most 10th graders do not.

    Pictures were taken. Unfortunately these pictures will not be shared with the world because a) I have no idea where they are and b) it would discourage future models.

    • April 17, 2012 11:17 pm

      I know a little something about political campaigns. Someday when you run for public office (Speaker7 for President), that photo could surface and your campaign would be sunk. I just want to warn you of this so you can locate that photo now and remove all evidence of its existence.

  4. April 16, 2012 6:35 am

    Fun post!

    Congrats to Jason for winning such a prestigious award. I’m sure he is honored.

    • April 17, 2012 11:20 pm

      He is! He wrote on my Facebook wall that it was the happiest day of his entire life, even surpassing that one day where he stayed at home, got drunk alone and then color-coordinated his linen closet.

  5. April 16, 2012 6:43 am

    I would shrivel in horror if anyone found an 80s picture of me. Or 90s for that matter. You should have a contest on mall hair alone. You won’t see me in it but I’ll be reading. Thanks for the good times, Angie.

    • April 17, 2012 11:21 pm

      I think the 90s could be far worse than the 80s for me. Particularly 1992. I liked to put eye shadow on my eyebrows back then.

  6. April 16, 2012 7:22 am

    Congrats to Jason! Well deserved! I can’t wait to see your next contest. I’m thinking Lenore should send you a photo…or Peg. Both of them must have some groooovy pics up their sleeve(s)

    • April 16, 2012 9:46 am

      I sent her two, but I need to hit up my Mom’s house and a sister’s house for more. I just don’t have a wide selection of pictures. However… if she were to spotlight the 70s, the picture included in the post I wrote today is a ringer.

      • April 17, 2012 11:24 pm

        I have received many fun photos in my inbox this week — two in particular of an ’80s-Lenore look to be good for a future Dynomite! post. And ’70s photos count too. I think my original request was for pictures from the ’70s, ’80s or ’90s.

    • April 17, 2012 11:22 pm

      Aw, but I feel bad for Darla not winning. Don’t you, Marla?

      Oh, crap, what have I done?

  7. beck16 permalink
    April 16, 2012 8:43 am

    Jason seems very humbe for winning this prestigious award, judging by his gracious thank you speech.

    Well done, Jason!

  8. April 16, 2012 9:10 am

    This cracked me up! Are you like me and every time you read “Dynomite” or type it (as I just found out), you hear it in J.J.’s voice in your head saying it?

    • April 17, 2012 11:26 pm

      Yes, I don’t think you can separate J.J. from Dynomite! I used to love J.J. and Good Times so, so much. Sadly, that bubble was burst when my brother, while in college, met J.J. He was pretty much a giant a–hole. Typical disgruntled child star.

  9. April 16, 2012 9:47 am

    Because I voted for Jason, I feel as though I am a winner, too. I won! I won!! (Always riding the coat-tails of others. That’s me!)

    • April 17, 2012 11:27 pm

      We’re all winners, Lenore. That’s what my 1st grade teacher told me anyway. Probably right after I lost something.

  10. April 16, 2012 10:34 am

    Congrats to Jason! All the entrants were groovy in a far out and happenin’ way.

    I remember when grown men were rocking the Jason look on basketball courts all over our fine land. I don’t understand why shorts-so-short-they-rode-up-your-buttcrack ever fell out of favor for serious sportsmen.

    • April 17, 2012 11:29 pm

      Yes, those shorts were just about the best thing to come out of the ’70s/’80s even if they never seemed to come out of your buttcrack. By the way, Peg, do remember this is a family blog. Millions of readers are now thinking of buttcracks. Not good.

  11. April 16, 2012 12:39 pm

    I have to admit that Jason is owning it in the picture. I don’t want to be a model, I just want to look like one, hilarious!

  12. April 16, 2012 1:45 pm

    Ha! This is fantastic. I like Jason. I, too, toast to myself with champagne every day. And I have pictures from the 80s that could make you weep… will have to raid Mom’s photo album stash…

    • April 17, 2012 11:31 pm

      I’ll be waiting for those photos. Side-pony photos at the very least. You owe that to your own readers for sure.

  13. John-Paul permalink
    April 16, 2012 3:50 pm

    Oh, I can so win the next round. My outfit is simple, but my pose and my use of a prop are breath-taking.

    • April 17, 2012 11:35 pm

      Hmmm…I received said photo and am wondering if it’s printable or if I’ll be ketchup’d by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals for promoting animal cruelty.

      And now, having said that, I’ve just written the ultimate marketing teaser for my next Dynomite! post.

      • John-Paul permalink
        April 18, 2012 1:44 am

        No animals were physically harmed. Dignity on the other hand, well I can’t vouch for that.

  14. Emily permalink
    April 16, 2012 7:07 pm

    I sent in my picture, but I just did it for fun, as I have no desire to “be a model, or at least look like one” (you’re at least fifteen years too late for that). So, if I win, could I please give away that part of my prize, to anyone who may want it?

    • April 17, 2012 11:36 pm

      Oh, c’mon, Barbizon takes all ages. Unless I’m not reading the fine print right? I think everyone wants to be a model deep down inside where their insecure demons live.

  15. April 17, 2012 4:18 pm

    Okay…so Jason is simply adorable, but I really like the kid with the deer in the headlights look. Can’t remember his name. Hahaha! Great idea!

    • April 17, 2012 11:37 pm

      Jimmy! What’s not to love? The bewildered expression really makes the outfit. And I think his expression reflects how everyone felt in the ’70s.

Trackbacks

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