What to Do with Holiday Leftovers
In keeping with my New Year’s resolution to stop telling my husband and kids “just ten more minutes” every forty minutes from behind my laptop screen, I have opted to spend our family’s remaining holiday vacation not writing.
Or, at least, not writing anything that takes longer than ten minutes.
for your reading enjoyment to pass some time in the Taco Bell drive-thru lane, here is another grab bag of random trinkets thrown together in about ten minutes in a brown paper bag that may or may not include the three-month-old Halloween candy sitting on the top of my refrigerator reeking like chocolate-covered feta cheese roll-ups.
The highlight of my Christmas loot this year? A theme gift from my husband that included an iPad 2, an encyclopedia of pop culture titled From ABBA to Zoom, and a book about my favorite deceased famous kid show host Mr. Rogers titled I’m Proud of You. Isn’t my husband a peach?
Oh. That was the highlight. But then yesterday my daughter received Fashion Plates from her aunt, which pretty much blew my husband’s gift right out of the spice-scented yuletide water.
I literally sprinted from the car to our house so I could rip open the box at the kitchen table before she got inside.
If you were a girl growing up in the 80s and were not lucky enough to have your own Fashion Plates (like me), perhaps you were able to experience these gems by using a girl who was lucky enough to have her own Fashion Plates (like I did . . . regrettably).
After I played with the new Fashion Plates for a good twenty minutes, could no longer rub the crayon over the paper without my hand cramping, and could no longer hum loud enough to drown out the obnoxious whimpering by my side, I let my daughter give it a try.
Five minutes later, the clock struck six and my daughter was off to bed (she can’t tell time yet).
Also in your grab bag, because I know you’ve come to look forward to them in my grab bags, I threw in some more of those delicious fossilized Circus Peanuts you’ve grown to not hate.
It’s that time again! (If by “time” you don’t mean something that is measured in standardized, regularly occurring increments.)
Yes, it’s time for another weekly/monthly/annually/once-in-a-while-when-I-find-myself-with-nothing-to-write-about-and-just-after-you-tell-me-you’re-allergic-to-peanuts-so-I-can’t-unload-the-Baby-Ruth-bars-reeking-up-my-kitchen segment I like to call . . .
Each week/month/year/Until you threaten in mass numbers to stop reading my blog, I will offer you a picture from the 70s, 80s or 90s of a loyal reader, a reader’s unknowing friend, a relative or a deceased neighbor who is exhibiting their Fashion A-Game.
Today I present to you a woman many readers already know as a talented writer who hangs out in the same blogosphere circle where I
stalk her loiter about. For that reason, I will not reveal her true identity.
Instead I’ll call her “Darlene.” Sorry, too obvious. Let’s make that “Marla.”
When I saw this photo, I immediately asked Marla whether she might’ve grown up in a 19th century German clock.
In fact, she did not.
Then I asked if she was wearing a Christmas tree skirt. (Tip: Christmas tree skirts are 75% off at Target this week.)
In fact, she wasn’t sure (and, in fact, she was the one to suggest she in fact might be).
When I was able to move past the striped tights and clogs, I heard myself utter an involuntary squeal of delight as I spotted her clear plastic tote bag. (This is what I like to call “accessorizing”.) These bags were commonplace in my childhood home. I believe we used them for transporting bowling shoes and skates. And, at least once, pink corduroy pee-pants.
Now, to give you some perspective on my knowledge of today’s fashion trends, I’ll disclose that 1.) I don’t have cable TV, 2.) I live in the Midwest, 3.) I only read People magazine when my hair stylist has a copy that’s free of hair clippings, and 4.) I had thought up until two months ago that a Kardashian was a cheap flower purchased by 17-year-olds to hint to their prom dates that they’re easy.
In fact, it is.
So, in short, I have no reference point to help gauge whether or not these retro bags are currently the hottest things to grace the catwalks of Milan since Ashton Kutcher’s trucker hat. Make no mistake, if these bags are not a Fashion Do now I predict they soon will be.
Especially after America sees this photo.
Especially after a Kardashian carries one to a prom to match her Kardashian.
If you were smart, you’d rush right down to your neighborhood Goodwill and purchase one immediately before it’s too late. And if I’m right, remember that you heard it here first.
Unfortunately, based on the Wild Card factor of the plastic tote bag, the tree skirt and the rare addition of a Peggy Sue hair flip, I am at a complete loss as to how to rate this ensemble. I could go A+, I could go C-, I could go Ω, or I could even go WTH. Instead, I will leave it up to you readers to make that call.
And as I have now broke my New Year’s resolution and as my son just now pooped his pants, that brings this special holiday grab bag to a close. Until my next writer’s block and/or preschool snow day, this is Fashion Expert Angie Z., signing off. Cheers!
Disclaimer: Writer is not responsible for fashion advice that causes public ridicule or rancid Circus Peanuts that cause explosive diarrhea.